i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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