the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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