just come out here and I will go home with you...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
