Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
