Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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