new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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