It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
