38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.