i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.