There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this