Don't you send me to vm
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.