he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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