Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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