I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
