His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
