i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just googled if crying burns calories
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
