No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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