You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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