Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
