ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
