I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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