Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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