there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
