Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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