Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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