I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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