But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
