Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
