God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
