u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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