Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
