the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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