Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
