I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
