If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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