I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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