please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
is wine microwaveable?
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Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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