Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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