i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
