I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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