wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
