Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
