You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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