Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
