oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
