woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize