if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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