so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
