My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
