he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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