I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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