Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
