At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
