I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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