Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
