At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we're so committed to being not committed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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