I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
