He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
