dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
