She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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